Sometimes, I feel nostalgic when people ask me questions that need only basic logic.
Is X right or is Y right? Should I reply to this person or not? Should I study medicine or not? Someone did something wrong. Should I stay in this relationship or leave?
These questions remind me of a time when my own mind had the same simple challenges. But that time is long gone.
That was version one of my mind. I have already moved beyond versions two and three.
The difficult part of moving forward is that everything becomes too clear.
When the logical answer to every question is obvious, you can no longer hide behind anything. You know when you are doing something wrong. And you know it at the exact moment you are doing it.
Excuses no longer work. You cannot explain everything away.
It feels as if your whole self is inside a glass room. Everything about the way you think and act is now visible.
The same mind that once struggled to make decisions now seems to have only one job: to judge and blame you.
So, appreciate version one of your mind.
One day, you may even miss the days when you were unsure.
Imagine you are in the middle of a desert, looking out of a car window. The world outside is moving fast, and everything looks beautiful, like a picture on Instagram.
But what if the car suddenly breaks down? What if there is nobody around to help you? Now you have to spend the cold night in the darkness, surrounded by an endless desert.
Suddenly, the same place that looked beautiful becomes terrifying.
When you feel good, it means you are seeing the beauty of the road because your car has not broken down yet.
But a better state of mind is one that can see both the beauty and the fear.
If you want to feel better, you have to be willing to face problems. But you don’t want to. Because you are afraid of being afraid.
Having a breakdown means losing the things your mind was depending on. Things you thought you knew. Things you thought you understood.
Sometimes, the only way to see the road clearly is to let your car break down.